Silly (Englishman) Jokes

Being able to tell a funny story is often a very good of way of establishing a good relationship with a new customer (helping to break the ice). Here follow a few suggestions (no guarantee that they are new!)

Question: What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Answer: Government bonds mature.

Question: What did god say after creating man? Answer: I can do better.

Question: Why does a man have a clean conscience?
Answer: Because it's never used.

Question: What do you call a man with half a brain? Answer: Gifted.

Question: What do you call a man with his hands handcuffed behind his back?
Answer: Trustworthy.

Question: If a man and a woman jumped off a ten storey building together, which one would land first? Answer: The woman. The man would get lost.

Question: What do you call a man with his hands handcuffed behind his back?
Answer: Trustworthy.

Husband: Darling, if I died, would you get married again?
Wife: I suppose so.
Husband: Would you sleep in the same bed?
Wife: He would be my husband, dear.
Husband: Would you give him my golfclubs?
Wife: No. He's left-handed.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter.

Women who seek to be equal to be men lack ambition.

How did the stupid man count the day's haul: "One fish ... two fish ... another fish ... another fish ... another fish ... another fish ... "

Husband: Darling, I have some good news and some bad news. First, I have decided to run off with Elaine.
Wife: No kidding! What's the bad news?

Christopher Columbus set an example for men that has never been forgotten.
He didn't know where he was going. He didn't know where he was when he got
there, and he did it on someone else's, namely a woman's, money.

Adam asked Eve: "Do you still love me?"
And Eve replied: "Who else?"

Question: How do most men define marriage?
Answer: A very expensive way to get your washing done free.

Why did the man buy a new car? He couldn't keep up the payments on the old one.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him at weekends.

The Irishman wanted to be buried at sea. And two of his friends died in the process.

The Irish navy: The only navy where the men go home for lunch on their bicycles.

When do you definitely know a man is lying? When he keeps saying "Believe me".

Why would you want to share your flat with a man? The landlord won't let you keep a cat.

A man whose credit cards were stolen says he won't call the police because the thief is spending less money with the cards than his wife.

The secret of a long life: It is well known that for every minute you do sport, you add one minute to your life. This allows you, at the age of 85, to spend an extra five months in a nursisng home at $ 5000 a month.